What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
