which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Randomize