I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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