loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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