I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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