i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
