So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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