Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
