You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize