Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
The dick lei will go down in squad history
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
