She is in my trunk
I hate all girls vehemently.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
