I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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