Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
