So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
