Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize
