She is in my trunk
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
He felt like a one man threesome
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Randomize
