Only a mothe r could love this liver
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
