Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
