i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
