my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
