i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Randomize
