forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize