i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
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