the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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