so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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