I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
