He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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