I don't usually arrange sex via text message
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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