She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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