420 ftw
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
