Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
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