Kiss
Puke
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
