my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
