remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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