dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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