Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
