I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Oh god it's open bar.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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