I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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