Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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