biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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