is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
