So drunk its hurt
too bad you live with your parents still
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Randomize
