i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Randomize
