I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
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