does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
