He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
