dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
