Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
