if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Randomize
