Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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