last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
We left an ass print on the piano.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
My liver just had a heart attack.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
