Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
