sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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