don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Randomize
