If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
