i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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