Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
