Well douche your snatch and let's go!
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
