we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
