My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
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