OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
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