i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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