I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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