It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
