Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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