Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Randomize
