the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
