I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Randomize