dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
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