We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize
