I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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