Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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