you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
